To put it briefly, this has been a very emotionally difficult week. When the doctor tells you that there is nothing he can do for the fever and cough you suffer from, it takes it’s toll – physically and emotionally. It is the strangest thing, between the hours of 4-7 I get a fever of about 102.0. Nothing seems to help, but we still take the tylenol. The cough doubles me over in pain and my back and sides have had enough. The appetite stimulator doesn’t seem to be doing anything – I’m still not eating much. I’ll go 5 days constipated and then three days of diarrhea. Each day has been a copy of the day before. I take the Nexavar now at 8:00 am and as close to 8:00 pm as I can.
It was good having Martha here for those few days. She helped around the house a ton and was available for whatever I needed. Thanks, Martha. My parents are coming to visit on the 20th for a few days, and my sister (+baby) will come with them and leave a week later.
The big news here is that Sol finally set up our 50″ plasma TV. We’ve had it since December, but thought we’d be moving so never set it up. For his birthday, Sol bought himself and X-Box 360, so he was motivated to set up the TV.
So I said this has been an emotionally difficult week. I mean it. It is so hard to fight each and every day. One day, I just said to the Lord, “Heal me now, or take me quickly. I can’t take this anymore.” But then I begin praying for the strength He seems to think I have to fight this. “He never gives us more than we can handle”. Hey, Mom, remember when I’d punch Janelle for no reason and get in trouble for it? – Here’s that fighting spirit (ok, so it’s totally not the same)! 🙂 It was good having Martha here also because I wasn’t alone with my thoughts. It’s so easy to think the worst especially if all you’re feeling is the worst. Please pray for my thoughts and fighting spirit.
It goes without saying that I married the best man alive. Let me paint you just one small picture. Last night when trying to lay down, I had so much pain it must have looked and sounded like I was possessed or something. I threw my body in convulsions to the side trying to relieve the pain. Sol, terrified for me, waited until I asked for his help. Unfortunately, I’m a Lepper girl and we don’t ask for help easily, but I did. The codine hadn’t kicked in yet, but I was trying to get to bed. I was so humbled by his patience and gentle care. He put his arms around my whole body and just said, “Relax, I’ve got you.” I felt safe – still in pain but not as scared of it. My body was crooked, and he wouldn’t let me move a muscle. “Let me do it,” he said. So I let him and he did. He gently lifted my hips and with no additional pain he moved my body. In that small moment, the love of my husband wrapped all around me, and I felt peace. The codine started kicking in, and I knocked out. He feels really terrible that I’m feeling this way, but he feels good being able to do something to help this once Lepper girl. The love of my life!
Oh last thing…I have a CT scan scheduled for March 2nd at 9:00 am. I’m going to try to change the time to a little later so that I can keep the Nexavar on schedule.
Thank you for the encouragement posts and comments, I read them all. They inspire me and bring my heart joy and tears to my eyes. I miss so many of you and wish you could all be closer.
Love,
Monica
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