April 2nd 2008 12:46 pm

Hasty Confusion Cleared Up…hopefully!

Wow, I just read what I posted yesterday and in my haste, I think it was a bit incomprehensible!  :)  So here is the low-down so to speak.

The specialist was not as helpful as I’d hoped he’d be.  Most of what he said, we already knew.  There just isn’t enough known about angiosarcoma or sarcomas in general for that matter.  He didn’t really give any firm answers which was quite frustrating.  Fr example, in response to a question about more chemo, he actually said, “It’s not necessarily necessary.”  About radiation, he said, “It’s a reasonable option.”  I guess there really aren’t any firm answers to treatment questions; they really don’t know what works best for now.  As far as we know the best treatment is surgery, and I’ve already done that!  He did mention that the places to watch for recurrence are the original site of the tumor and the lungs.  He also called one of his former angiosarcoma patients (a success story) and gave her my number.  She called last night while I was at Bible Study, but I’m going to call her back later.

So here’s what I got out of the appointment.   I will be starting radiation every weekday for 6 weeks or so, I’ll have CT scans every 3 months for 2 years and it doesn’t look like I’ll have anymore chemo for now.  :)    My scans are clear, so right now, I am CANCER FREE!!!  Yipee!!!

How I feel…hmmm…that’s tough to really figure out.  I am full of worry, dread, fear, joy, faith, and hope.  I know that there is still a great deal of worry in my mind because of the high rate of recurrence.  I dread that nasty tasting CT scan serum, but will drink it every three months for continual monitoring.  I’m overjoyed about the cancer being gone.  However, tears come all the time because I’m still so scared!  Overall, though, I’m doing well.  Right now, I’m a survivor and that’s something to celebrate.

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.  I know God is using you to lift me up and keep me going.  You’ll never know how much you have touched me.  This blog has been so therapeutic for me, and knowing that you read it and lift me and my family up in prayer truly inspires me to keep writing.

As I sit here, I am reminded that someone once told me, “Our tears are silent prayers, and not one goes unnoticed.”  Thank you for the many silent prayers that have fallen off your face for me.  The Lord has seen them all!

Much Love,

Monica

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