July 7th 2010 06:28 pm

I Chickened Out (and other notables)

July is another “difficult” time of the year.  The 3rd is Monica’s birthday, and today is our anniversary.  It would have been 9 years today.

I thought it would be nice to start a tradition of spending the 4th of July with Monica’s family from now on and also celebrate her birthday, so last weekend I went up to Paradise, CA which is up north by Chico.  We’ll see how that develops (’cause traffic on the 4th of July weekend is worse than I expected and it’s already an incredibly long drive…).

I still think the idea was a good one, but the reality didn’t quite turn out how I thought it might.  I ended up feeling really conflicted about taking Kai to the cemetery, since in his mind, Mommy is in heaven.  Would it be too much for him to process?  I decided to just tell him that it was a special place for us to remember Mommy.

…the problem was that I chickened out.  :(  I just couldn’t do it.  Even now as I write this that huge lump in my throat grows to a point that it seems it might burst.  I hope over time I can gather the courage to go there.  In the mean time, I just felt like I had to confess…

No Comments yet »

Comments are closed.

« | »