May 12th 2009 12:03 pm

Quick Note About Visitors and Kai

First of all, thank you to everyone for a year and a half of prayers and support.  I truly believe in my heart, that you helped sustain Monica.  Angiosarcoma has a typical prognosis of not more than around 6 months, so Monica was the exception to the rule due to her incredible strength and will, and due to your prayers and support.

We definitely would love to share memories with visitors, but my main goal for today is getting information about how to talk to Kai.  At this point, he is unaware that Mommy is gone.  I know Monica is in heaven because I know her faith and service for Christ were unparalleled; that gives me great comfort.  However, the one thing I have been agonizing over is how to talk to Kai about it.  He is so young, and I fear for his fragile little heart.

Therefore, I am asking visitors to refrain from coming over today until I can speak with a few counselors about how to best talk to Kai.  I want to be informed about different methods.  I don’t want to shoot from the hip and potentially do more damage than need be.  Having people over might not give me the opportunity to talk to him before he figures something out

Thanks for your understanding.  If you would like to visit tomorrow, or any other time, we would appreciate it.


12 Responses to “Quick Note About Visitors and Kai”

  1. CherylGregSimoneMarcus on 12 May 2009 at 12:09 pm #

    Good plan Sol, I’ll be praying as you try and explain this to Kai. God bless brother, Jesus will prompt you and you are surrounded in prayer. Love you

  2. drumbeat97 on 12 May 2009 at 12:21 pm #

    Sol, God will give you the words and wisdow for Kai and Jesus will sooth his little heart.


  3. bdnp3827 on 12 May 2009 at 12:32 pm #

    I am praying that God gives you the words to speak and Kai the ears to hear. May He be glorified in these days through the testimony of His grace and power!!!!

  4. kathleen koh on 12 May 2009 at 12:41 pm #


    Will it help to talk to Children’s Pastor, Rondalyn Roach about how to talk to Kai?

    here’s her cell: 562 322 8100 in case you want to call her.


  5. jered on 12 May 2009 at 12:58 pm #

    Bless you for being so caring and sensitive to your son’s needs. Our oldest (a boy) is 4, so we can relate to the tender-heartedness of young boys.

    Please know that you and your son will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

    Your desire for doing the right thing coupled with your sensitivity to God’s leading will most certainly not lead you astray.

  6. licoreen on 12 May 2009 at 2:46 pm #

    Hi Sol,
    You don’t know me. My name is Lisa, and I’m a friend of your (distant?) cousin, Grace. I got to meet Monica at Grace’s baby shower. She’s really terrific. I’m sorry that you have to be apart now. I’ll be praying for your family and friends.

    In response to your post: I’m not a professional but I once attended a short seminar on helping bereaved children. Thought it might be helpful. Here’s a summary:

    “Families in Mourning” Dr. William Worden
    Dr. Worden is co-director of the Harvard Child Bereavement study, which followed the lives of 125 children who had lost a parent when they were 6-17 years old. The study showed that over the course of four months, a year, and two years, children who had lost a parent developed more difficulty in anxiety, acting out, aggression, social problems, and self-perception than kids with two living parents. Dr. Worden identified the following as needs for bereaved children:
    · To know they will be cared for
    · To know they did not cause the death
    · To have clear, age appropriate information about the causes and circumstances of the death
    · To feel important and involved (after age 6, kid should make an educated choice about whether or not to attend the funeral)
    · Continued routine activity
    · Someone who will listen to their fears, fantasies, questions
    · Ways to remember their deceased parent (e.g. scrapbook, memory box)
    · Adults to model grief behavior

  7. csands on 12 May 2009 at 4:24 pm #

    Hi Sol,

    This is Corrie Sands. Jeff and I are so sorry for your loss, and have been praying for you. Your thoughtful approach to Kai’s process is wise and good shepherding of his little heart.

    I have a link to share with you that I thought you might find helpful. There is a man in Clovis that lost his 33 year old wife (also a teacher) a little over a month ago. She had cancer as well. They have 2 little boys, 6 and 3 years old. They have been keeping a journal on a site called . You can find their story by searching for shawnalynn32. Danny, the husband and dad, has done a very thorough job of describing his process with his little boys on that site. I think you can probably email or message him from there too, if that connection might be helpful for you.

    You two ministered to many of us as you faithfully walked through a very hard thing. I know your walk isn’t over, and we will keep praying for you and Kai.

    Corrie (for all the Sands)

  8. senareyes on 12 May 2009 at 8:08 pm #

    Our THOUGHTS and PRAYERS are with you


  9. blumertfam on 12 May 2009 at 10:24 pm #

    Sol, I’m positive that God will give you the right words and timing to talk to your son. I have a 9-year-old boy and 5 & 2-year-old girls. I have been really thinking about this topic if I was in your shoes. I know it is not easy. I am praying for you and your son. God bless you!

    Paul Blumert

  10. leslie.yoder on 13 May 2009 at 4:51 am #

    We will be praying for strength and wisdom during this difficult time. Our hearts our breaking for you as you explain this to your young son.

    The Yoders

  11. lizgonzales_garvin on 13 May 2009 at 7:47 am #


    Brett and I are so sorry to hear about your loss, but we know that your beautiful wife is rejoicing in heaven now.

    My sister is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Christian. If you would like to talk to her I am sure you could give her a call. She is now a stay at home mom and is pretty available.

    Are prayers are with you and Kai!

    Liz Garvin

  12. lbaccus on 13 May 2009 at 7:34 pm #

    Dear Sol,
    First, please let me express our deepest and most sincere sympathies to you in this very difficult time. Monica was truly a remarkable woman who will always be an inspiration to us and to so many others. Truly, she will continue to live in the hearts and minds of so many people because of how she lived her life. In my mind, there is no greater legacy than that.

    How fortunate Kai is to have your thoughtfulness, wisdom and love. My husband’s first wife died suddenly and tragically when his daughter was 5 and his son was 7. Being a wise and loving father like you, he also sought the counsel and knowledge of others in dealing with the situation. As a result, his children, who are now 24 and 26 years old, have grown into the wonderful, kind and compassionate human beings they are. There are many great suggestions above and in particular, the needs identified by Dr. William Worden seem to be particularly helpful.

    Our prayers are with you and Kai. We know that your wisdom and faith will keep you strong and allow you to be the wonderful parent you need to be and want to be for Kai. Peace be with you.

    Laurie Baccus & Roberto Carrillo

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