This has been one tough year. My grandmother passed away a few days ago. I am getting ready to head out to Arizona for her funeral this weekend and I’m a bit nervous. I’ve been able to contain quite a bit, but I’m hoping this isn’t “the straw that broke the camel’s back”…..
Category tags: News---- 
2 Comments »
Changer a diaper is one thing, but changing poopy underwear that has run out all over the floor and all over the kid is another… I need another vacation!
Check these guys out who struggled with their diaper changing experiences:
Dads Changing Diapers
Category tags: Kai, misc---- 2 Comments »
I was reflecting on this a bit, and I thought it might make an interesting post:
1)I’m a great dad because I play and wrestle with Kai. I’m not a great mom because I don’t have as much patience to sit and read to him as often.
2)I’m a great dad because I take Kai fun places like Disneyland and soccer games. I’m not a great mom because when I go I typically forget something like his sippy cup or a jacket.
3)I’m a great dad because I let him wear whatever he wants. I’m not a great mom because by the time I realize either of us is out of socks (or chonies) I have to scramble to do laundry.
4)I’m a great dad, because I lay down with him when he goes to sleep so that he is not scared. I’m not a great mom because when he does wake up scared and cries out, “I want my mommy!” I just don’t suffice.
5)I’m a great dad because I encourage him to get up and keep going when he falls down and it makes him feel strong. I’m not a great mom because when he does get an “ouchie”, my kissing it doesn’t make it feel better like when mommy kissed it.
Category tags: Kai, Reflection---- 5 Comments »
It’s been a while since I updated. There’s been a lot to do since I’ve been home, and I still feel like I’m catching up with things that were neglected; having been gone for almost a month. It was worth it though. In the meantime, I think I happened to discover the secret to the appeal of Twitter and Facebook: you only have to write a few lines and you’re done! For some reason, writing a blog post seems to require writing something of real value and fore thought… and time. 
Anyways, traveling was great! My friend Jason and I went to New York City, Washington DC, Portland, OR, and Chicago. Each city really had a lot to offer, but I have to say that I really fell in love with New York. Under different circumstances, I would move there tomorrow. I don’t know that I would stay there forever, but to experience it for a while would be a thrill. 
DC and Chicago were also fantastic. These cities have some of the most amazing sights, people, and food in the world. I was also really impressed by their pride of ownership; the people seem to want to make their city great.
Of course we had many adventures along the way, but to go into detail here would take way too much time typing. If you want to go out for coffee and some stimulating conversation, I’d be happy to tell you all about it sometime.
After asking about the trips, most people have been asking about Kai. He’s almost 3 1/2 now! He’s really developed a sense of humor. It’s as if he understands comic nuances like timing and irony. He’s actually really funny; not just for a three year old. I think he’s discovered he can get more attention that way, and he might even be becoming somewhat of a class clown. His pre-school friends get so excited when he shows up (usually late) to school.
He’s having as much fun as any three year old might be having, but he’s also starting to become more aware of the fact that all his friends have mommies and he doesn’t. He still asks for “Mommy” almost every day even though he knows she’s gone. I don’t know where he comes up with some of the stuff he says, but he tries so hard to express his feelings. For example, the other day he said, “Dadoo, my heart is gone. It’s looking for my Mommy,” or “my heart hurts because it can’t find my Mommy.” Sometimes he pretends that his stuffed animals are sad because their mommy died too. It never ceases to break my heart over and over again. The one positive aspect (so I’ve been told) is that at least he is able to talk about it…
As for me, I’m keeping busy.
P.S. Yesterday was 6 months…
Category tags: Fun, News---- 2 Comments »
I’m currently still living the vagabond experience and writing this from Chicago so I haven’t made a lot of extra time to write new posts, but I have a ton of pictures and good stories so I’ll make some updates next week when I’m back in Whittier.
This weekend I wanted to take a moment and reflect a little though. October 2 was the two year mark of Monica’s original diagnosis of breast cancer. I remember it like yesterday. She was so brave from that very first day. I think I was so scared that I was in denial. I didn’t want to make too big a deal out of it because I didn’t want to scare her any more while she was being brave. Besides we figured breast cancer was beatable; especially at her age. We never thought for a moment that the news could get worse than it already was. Unfortunately, her diagnosis was wrong. Five months later, we found out after her bilateral mastectomy that what she really had was angiosarcoma.
Well, it’s been two years since my heart first fell into the pit of my stomach. It seems to live there now. Days like Oct 2 are sad days. I don’t mean to finally get around to posting something and have it be negative, but that’s the reailty of it. Hopefully, getting it off my chest like this will help in the healing process.
I’ll update about how Kai is doing and some of my adventures next week. 
Category tags: Journal, Reflection---- 1 Comment »
This weekend is the first weekend for my month long, jet-setting, cross country mini vacations using the Jetblue “all-you-can-jet” pass. In fact, I’m in New York as I write this. I’ll be sure to provide updates about each trip, but in the meantime I’m still digesting the culture shock of being in New york.
On another note, over the last week and a half I’ve sprouted a whole new crop of gray hair! I don’t know if there’s any siginificance to that except that I’m getting older, but that may have been more of a shock than the culture shock of New York!
Category tags: News---- 4 Comments »
I’m not sure what it was the other day, but I guess I just woke up with the blues. I’ve been feeling much better since yesterday. Thank you to those of you who sent words of encouragement and prayer.
I thought Kai had been doing much better lately as I’ve noted before, but the last two days has been a struggle for him. He keeps saying that he thinks I am going to die, and he’s been pretty upset. Poor kid… He had been doing so well, that I forgot that he’s also still working through the grief and the emotions and fears that come from it. Please keep him in your prayers as well.
I wish everyone a fun filled, safe holiday weekend.
Category tags: Journal, Kai, prayer request---- 3 Comments »
Not sure why exactly (I think it’s a mix of a things), but I have a lump in my throat and an empty/sick feeling to my stomach today…
Category tags: Journal, prayer request---- 3 Comments »
Even though life has been a bit difficult lately, I’m happy to say that there are some exciting things on the horizon that I’m really looking forward to.
This weekend I’m going deep sea fishing with a few of my good buddies. I’ve recently discovered that I really enjoy fishing, especially deep sea fishing. It’s going to be a great guy’s getaway. I can’t wait ’til Kai gets a bit older and I can take him too!
The next bit of news (and probably the news I’m most excited about) is that I will be sending my band’s third full length CD to press this week. Even though the band hasn’t “officially” been together for years, we’ve been getting together here and there to be creative and have fun. We ended up recording a full length CD in the process! I think it is by far the best stuff we’ve ever done. We spent all our creative energy on the songwriting and recording instead of preparing for live shows, so the final product has an increased level of maturity and professionalism over previous projects. I don’t know what we’ll do with the CDs yet since the band isn’t performing live, but I’m excited about it anyways; even if they all sit in my garage for the next couple years. I’ll post some links to some samples of the music soon.
Actually, the last song on Monica’s Memorial Slide Show is a song from the new CD. In fact, the first day we started recording (almost 2 yars ago) was the day we got back her biopsy results. We were all pretty upset, but she insisted that we continue recording. The whole time she was sick she encouraged me to continue recording. I always appreciated how supportive she was of my music. She gave up a lot of time to allow me to write and record music while she took care of Kai and dealt with the chemo fatigue. I consider the CD as a gift from her that she would not let me refuse. I know she would be proud of it.
The last bit of news is that I bought an “All-You-Can-Jet” pass from Jet Blue for the month of September. Jet Blue is currently having a promotion that for one price, you can fly as much as you want from Sept 8 – Oct 8. Get ready, ’cause I’m planning on taking many of you up on offers to come visit you in your town! I don’t have any definitive plans yet but I know I will be needing a lot of babysitters, so if anyone is available, let me know.
Thanks for all the prayers of support and encouragement. Last week’s low has been replaced with a bit of optimism for the near future, and I know that it has everything to do with your prayers.
Category tags: Fun, News---- 6 Comments »
Yesterday was three months. I didn’t plan on writing anything because I shy away from “bumming people out” with a sad post. A lot of my posts recently have been cute little episodes and exchanges between Kai and I. However, many people the last two days have been asking how I’m really doing, so I guess I should come clean.
It’s getting harder. Things have slowed down, the fog has lifted, and the loneliness factor is unavoidable. For the first time in my life I can say that I am genuinely sad; even depressed. I don’t have any clear remedy. Work has been extremely stressful and Kai is 3 years old; enough said there.
Pray for a light at the end of the tunnel…
Category tags: Journal---- 2 Comments »
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