April 30th 2010 08:52 am
Kai Hates “The Sky”
Kai’s teacher pulled me aside this morning because she’s concerned that Kai has been very sad at school. I’ve noticed it somewhat too, but it seems that the topic comes up more often at school; I guess because the other kids talk about their moms and their moms come to pick them during earlier parts of the day.
He still asks for mommy almost every day after a whole year. You’d think he would have given up by now, but he’s got his mom’s determination. Lately he’s been trying to think of ways that Mommy can come back to Earth. The other night he was up late in bed talking for a while, so I finally went into his room and asked him who he was talking to. He said he was talking to Mommy and to God. He asked God to make a cloud with a slide on it so Mommy could slide down to Earth to see him. He said that Mommy then told him that she was already an angel and that she couldn’t slide down the slide, but that she might be able to use her angel wings to fly down to Earth to visit him in the summer! Either he’s got an amazing imagination for an “almost 4 year old”, or she really did tell him that…
Apparently Kai’s teacher is feeling acutely aware of the fact that Mother’s Day is coming because their curriculum will center around Mother’s Day. She said she was hurt the other day because he mentioned he “hated the sky”. She asked him why, and he said he hates Heaven too because his Mommy was stuck up there.
It crushes me to know that he is hurting, but I don’t know what more I can do for him. I’m not in any better place myself to help…
P.S. Sorry for another downer post…
4 Comments »
4 Responses to “Kai Hates “The Sky””
CherylGregSimoneMarcus on 30 Apr 2010 at 10:41 am #
Mother’s Day is going to be a tough day not just because of the day but also because it was the last time Kai saw Monica. I’m at a loss as to what to say except that I’m praying for you. His reactions/feelings sound normal though… it’s just how to deal with your feels and his… day by day… hang on to Jesus.
Praying as always
horsegirl363636 on 01 May 2010 at 11:09 am #
I am so sorry to hear that Sol. Maybe it would be worth looking into ways that help kids cope? Maybe Kai just needs coping methods, he isn’t old enough to have those established yet. I am sure psychologists would be able to help, maybe not to meet with but just get suggestions from. Hope things get better!
faith.gillis on 02 May 2010 at 6:25 pm #
God bless you both. I pray for you everyday.
sabrinalively on 13 May 2010 at 12:47 pm #
Sol,
Wow, I really do not have words to express my sorrow for you and Kai. I don’t know if you remember my husband and me as we only met you briefly at the church in the fall of 2008 (we are serving with ReachGlobal in Bosnia-Herzegovina). I had known Monica back at Simpson and did not know until yesterday of her passing. I am still in shock and fighting tears that are falling as I read your posts. I can only imagine how you are feeling, even a year after her death.
Something came to mind as I read this particular post and I wonder if it would help Kai with the grieving process. There is a curriculum for children and families struggling with grief issues written by a Christian lady named, Linda Kondracki Sibley. Her material is called “Confident Kids” and is produced by Standard Publishing. The particular book I am thinking of is called, “Facing My Feelings” (ISBN 0-7847-0643-3). It is written for levels preschool through preteen. This particular book “helps kids and parents understand that: all our feelings are okay, we can – and should – label our feelings accurately, there are healthy ways to talk about and deal with our feelings, our feelings tell us when we need to ask for help, Jesus understands us and helps us deal with our feelings.”
All this to say that maybe the church would consider using it in your son’s Sunday school class. Or if that does not work, it would be a great tool that you could go through on your own with him. It has many tools about how to deal with grief, all written at age-appropriate levels.
There is a corresponding family guide called, “All My Feelings are Okay” (ISBN 0-8007-5441-7, by Revell). This would be cheaper than the actual curriculum, but does not compare to the incredible resource of stories, questions, and activities that the full curriculum contains.
I came across this curriculum as I was getting ready to come to Bosnia ten years ago. At that time churches were being given permission to use it in public schools as well as a number of foster care groups were encouraging families to attend these groups. I was at the time looking for something I could use with children in a war-torn country who have faced so much death and loss in their lives. At that time this was and I believe probably still is the only Christian resource written in this format. Unfortunately I have still not been able to use it here as costs for translation are currently prohibitive. I’m hoping that one day I will have the opportunity.
I apologize for the length of this note. At times I also receive lengthy notes from people with good intentions referring a book to me. I trust that this was not a waste of your time or emotional energy and can be a helpful tool. If it was in my ability, I would buy and send the book to you, but I can not right now.
Our prayers will be with you in these days. Especially that you know how to love and raise Kai in a way that he can recognize and respond to his feelings in a healthy way.
Once again I grieve for your loss, Monica was an amazing woman, as you know best of all.
praying for God’s comfort,
Sabrina
P.S. After writing all this I realized that the best book of this series is “Growing Through Changes” which focuses on grief and is based around Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ six stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, with hope added). I found it for a great price and am sending it to you. If it helps you might consider following it up with the feelings book.