July 6th 2009 10:50 pm
Kai is back from his mini-vacation, Monica’s birthday was Friday (July 3rd) and our 8 year anniversary is tomorrow (July 7th). Quite an eventful several days. Many people have sent their support and prayers for me and Kai as we face these important “firsts”; her first birthday since passing, and our first anniversary. I really appreciate it. I think it must really help because, in anticipation for these days, I end up getting through them fairly well. I had my “moments” on Monica’s birthday, and I think our anniversary might be a bit harder, but for the most part I’ve been getting through it ok. Actually, last week on Monday was an ordinary Monday - nothing special with no significance, but it was the hardest day I’ve had so far. I think it was a matter of me letting my guard down a bit.
It’s been almost two months, and I think the haze is starting to lift a little. Instead of constantly being numb or guarded, I’m starting to allow myself to experience and even enjoy life again; both the ups and the downs. It seems my highs are higher and my lows are lower now than they have been in the last 2 months. Overall, I think that is progress. It can make it harder sometimes, but it’s a better place to be.
For what it’s worth, the one thing that has really helped me get through this time is that I celebrate the fact that we had the most amazing 8 years of marriage that I could ever have hoped for. We lived several life times in that short period. It took me 3 days to go through and choose the pictures for her memorial video, and during that time I got to relive all the good times and memories we had. I’m greatful for that time and those memories. In some ways, I feel like I’m one of the most blessed guys in the world because I had something that many other guys only dream of: a wonderful, smooth, happy, stable, fun, and blessed marriage. What more could I ask for in life?
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