July 6th 2009 10:50 pm

Birthday and Anniversary

Kai is back from his mini-vacation, Monica’s birthday was Friday (July 3rd) and our 8 year anniversary is tomorrow (July 7th).   Quite an eventful several days.  Many people have sent their support and prayers for me and Kai as we face these important “firsts”; her first birthday since passing, and our first anniversary.  I really appreciate it.  I think it must really help because, in anticipation for these days, I end up getting through them fairly well.  I had my “moments” on Monica’s birthday, and I think our anniversary might be a bit harder, but for the most part I’ve been getting through it ok.  Actually, last week on Monday was an ordinary Monday –  nothing special with no significance, but it was the hardest day I’ve had so far.  I think it was a matter of me letting my guard down a bit. 

It’s been almost two months, and I think the haze is starting to lift a little.  Instead of constantly being numb or guarded, I’m starting to allow myself to experience and even enjoy life again; both the ups and the downs.  It seems my highs are higher and my lows are lower now than they have been in the last 2 months.  Overall, I think that is progress.  It can make it harder sometimes, but it’s a better place to be.

For what it’s worth, the one thing that has really helped me get through this time is that I celebrate the fact that we had the most amazing 8 years of marriage that I could ever have hoped for.  We lived several life times in that short period.  It took me 3 days to go through and choose the pictures for her memorial video, and during that time I got to relive all the good times and memories we had.  I’m greatful for that time and those memories.  In some ways, I feel like I’m one of the most blessed guys in the world because I had something that many other guys only dream of: a wonderful, smooth, happy, stable, fun, and blessed marriage.  What more could I ask for in life?

By the way, here are some pictures of Kai and his first fish.  He is so cute!  Kai Love's Fishing! Kai's First Fish!!!


4 Responses to “Birthday and Anniversary”

  1. wendideetz on 06 Jul 2009 at 11:25 pm #

    Ever since I was 13, I have known how blessed I am to know you. I feel so lucky to be able to witness the strength, courage, love & integrity with which you’ve faced all these moments in your life & to know love like yours & Monica’s exists. From the highest high to the lowest low, I hope you feel held & cherished & uplifted – I know I am not the only one, by any stretch, sending you prayers and hope and gratitude and love. It also gives me deep comfort and joy to know, in my heart, that there is no better guardian of Monica’s memory than you. It’s affirming to know that love really does transcend all and that we get to have birthdays and anniversaries even after we pass because those who love us keep us alive in their hearts.

    I feel so, so lucky that 20 years ago, I was smart enough to see how phenomenal you are and to be so right!!!

    And um, yeah, those pictures of Kai are just WOW. Love & hugs to you both.

  2. brenda on 07 Jul 2009 at 10:38 am #

    HI Sol.

    I hope you’re well. I’m enjoying continuing to read your blog and journey through this next stage of Angiosarcoma. Even in death, it’s still a stage of this disease that has brought us both to this point.

    I think of you often and send my thoughts and hope your way.


  3. CherylGregSimoneMarcus on 07 Jul 2009 at 3:43 pm #

    I agree with you that you packed A LOT into 8 years! 🙂

    I think that there will be highs and lows… but a lot of good memories.

    love ya friend,


  4. frankloaiza on 10 Jul 2009 at 8:46 am #

    I always hesitate to ask you how you are doing…. It seems like such a cliche’ to me at times to ask that question. I look forward to hanging out with you in the coming weeks. I apprecitae your openess on the blog, and it’s good to know how you are doing my friend. See you tonight. (7/10/09)

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