Archive for the 'Journal' Category

May 11th 2015

6 Years

We miss you. We love you. You'd be so proud of Kai! ... :'(

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January 2nd 2011


Advair FOR SALE, It's been quite some time since I last posted here.  Of course, the earth continues to revolve around the sun and the days still come and go.  ...and I still struggle with posting because I don't want to be the downer in anyone's day.  Being a new year, however, it seems like a reasonable  time to reflect.

Kai is growing like crazy.  Though in many ways I wish he would stay a baby (as any mother might), japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl, Advair 200mg, it's actually been a lot better for the both of us to have him grow.  It turns out that it is much easier to handle a 4 year old than a 3 year old.  He is very smart and is willing to reason much of the time.  He understands the difference between right and wrong.  His independent nature, which he gets from Mommy, Advair over the counter, Order Advair online overnight delivery no prescription, helps him to be entertained on his own and also to not feel lonely.  The year had ups and downs, but we got to share many adventures.  His birthday party was a big hit.  Thanks to all who participated.  We also had the good fortune to go on our first camping trip and to jump around in the ocean.  We spent some time "on vacation" at Lake Havasu, Advair no prescription, Köpa Advair online, Osta Advair online, Jotta Advair verkossa, played the new Kinect video games together, and even started some new traditions like Taco Tuesday.  There are so many wonderful memories over the last year that I will always treasure.  The one thing that stands out to me as the most noteable happened just a few weeks ago, Advair 5mg, Reasons to Advair online, though.  Kai caught me visibly upset (read sad) and asked me what was wrong.  I'm not sure that he had ever "caught" me like that before.  Anyways, I told him that I am still very sad and asked him if he still gets sad.  He said he "doesn't get sad anymore".  He said that he knows Mommy is in heaven and that she is an angel and that she is always with him.  It was one of the happiest and saddest moments of the year for me.  In one sense, Advair 1000mg, 2000mg, Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon, it was a very sensitive moment and full of sorrow, but on the other hand, Advair 150mg, Rx free Advair, as a dad, it pleases me to hear that he is healing and learning to deal with his reality.  He still asks about Mommy regularly, El Paso, Texas. Washington, D.C. Seattle, Washington, Advair from mexico, but he doesn't ask about where she is or whether she's coming back.  He wants to know what she was like and what she would think about things. 

So, Kai is beginning to move forward and is growing emotionally as well as physically.  I, where can i order Advair without prescription, Advair 500mg, lamentably, have not been so fortunate, Advair withdrawal. Købe Advair online, αγοράζουν online Advair, I guess for the last year and a half, I have been desparately running from the hurt and loneliness to distractions rather than healing.  I finally had to realize the hard way that it was an unsustainable way for me to live.  The sadness kept catching up to me even with my best efforts to distract myself.  Now I'm on a mission to heal.  I'm desparate for it.  Even though it means I will have to face the hurt and loneliness, online Advair without a prescription, Advair 75mg, I believe that it is necessary for me to even begin healing.  I can't believe I still have to begin healing.  It seems that until I make some progress in this area, I won't be able to really enjoy or appreciate life.  Things I used to love and need currently are lackluster or even painful.  Places I cherished, Advair 50mg, Acheter en ligne Advair, acheter Advair bon marché, people I loved, and things like music, purchase Advair FOR SALE, Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio, which I used to need like food, no longer provide joy.  Hope has been replaced by confusion.  God has been silent.  Goals and dreams have become like legends; not knowing if they ever really existed or not.  I want to be able to live and love again; healthy and stronger.  I believe I can do it.  I must try.., Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Advair in cats, dogs, children, I guess it comes across so melodramatic and maybe even cheesy...  What can I say?  It's the way I feel at this particular moment.  I may be reaching out to some of you this year.  I pray it's in an attempt to heal and not hide.  Keep me accountable (but gently please).  I'm not sure how I'm going to do it.  I just know that I am at least conscious of the need, and have the emotional desperation leverage to truly seek it, Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas. Advair 125mg, Here's to a better 2011. Australia, uk, us, usa. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Order Advair online c.o.d. Order Advair from mexican pharmacy. Advair samples. Order Advair no prescription. Baltimore, Maryland. Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

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July 7th 2010

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Nasonex FOR SALE, July is another "difficult" time of the year.  The 3rd is Monica's birthday, and today is our anniversary.  It would have been 9 years today.

I thought it would be nice to start a tradition of spending the 4th of July with Monica's family from now on and also celebrate her birthday, online buying Nasonex, New York. Los Angeles, California, so last weekend I went up to Paradise, CA which is up north by Chico.  We'll see how that develops ('cause traffic on the 4th of July weekend is worse than I expected and it's already an incredibly long drive...), comprar en línea Nasonex, comprar Nasonex baratos. No prescription Nasonex online, I still think the idea was a good one, but the reality didn't quite turn out how I thought it might.  I ended up feeling really conflicted about taking Kai to the cemetery, San Diego, California. Dallas, Texas. San Antonio, Texas, Nasonex from canadian pharmacy, since in his mind, Mommy is in heaven.  Would it be too much for him to process?  I decided to just tell him that it was a special place for us to remember Mommy, Nasonex 100mg. Nasonex coupon, ...the problem was that I chickened out.  :(  I just couldn't do it.  Even now as I write this that huge lump in my throat grows to a point that it seems it might burst.  I hope over time I can gather the courage to go there.  In the mean time, I just felt like I had to confess.., Nasonex from canada. Nasonex 250mg. Canada, mexico, india. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina. Where can i cheapest Nasonex online. Kjøpe Nasonex online, bestill Nasonex online. Nasonex pharmacy. Generic Nasonex. Nasonex online cod. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona. Farmacia Nasonex baratos, Nasonex online kaufen. Cheap Nasonex. Nasonex without prescription. Nasonex without a prescription. Nasonex for sale. Nasonex 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Nasonex FOR SALE. Nasonex 625mg,650mg. Where can i find Nasonex online. Nasonex snort, alcohol iteraction. Nasonex price. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee. Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California. Nasonex 50mg. Nasonex 625mg,650mg. Nasonex over the counter. Nasonex 800mg, 875mg, 900mg.

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March 26th 2010


Clomid FOR SALE, After Monica passed, I looked for something she may have written during her struggle.  Maybe a note for Kai to give to him when he got older; maybe a note for me...  

One day I frantically searched for hours and even went through her purse to find this letter or note that didn't exist.  I was crushed to not find anything, but I rationalized that it was due to her decisive outlook that she was going to keep fighting until she won the battle that she might have felt she didn't need to "leave any thoughts or words" for us.

Last night I was organizing my closet in the new house and I came upon Monica's purse.  It is mostly intact the way she left it, Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado, Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California, but I had gone through it already to get a few things like the check book.  For some reason, I decided to open a small side pocket and in it was nothing but a receipt.  Quintessential Monica; she always saved her receipts for a while "just in case".  Normally I would have just tossed it, Clomid 250mg, Clomid without a prescription, but for some reason I decided to open it to see what she bought.  Suddenly I realized there was writing on the back.  I didn't recognize the writing as hers at first because it was a bit messy and hurried, but it was definitely hers.  She must have been in a hurry or standing up writing it or something.., Clomid pharmacy. Clomid over the counter, The date on the receipt is 04/21/2009.  That is exactly 20 days before she passed.  I don't know if she was starting to realize she was getting weaker or if she just had a moment of sadness, but what she wrote on the back of that receipt in a hurried (or upset) state was a list of events that she might miss in the future for Kai.  Here is the list in the order that she wrote it:

  • Potty training

  • Tying shoes

  • Kindergarten first day

  • Kinder graduation

  • Best friend

  • First crush

  • First time in trouble @ school

  • First girlfriend

  • Serious girlfriend

  • Wedding

  • Engagement

  • First kid

  • High school graduation

  • First big fight with Dadoo

  • License

  • First 100% on important test

  • First big win in sports/hobby

  • First defeat

  • First job interview

  • First apartment

  • College

  • Jesus in heart

Last night was the first really big emotional break down I've had in a while of trying to be strong.  This morning has been equally difficult.  It's too bad the "note" she left behind is such a sad one.., Clomid without prescription. Where can i order Clomid without prescription. Clomid withdrawal. Clomid 1000mg, 2000mg. Clomid 625mg,650mg. Order Clomid online overnight delivery no prescription. Cheap Clomid. El Paso, Texas. Washington, D.C. Seattle, Washington. Clomid 125mg. Where can i Clomid online. New York. Los Angeles, California. Clomid from canadian pharmacy. Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee. Clomid FOR SALE. Where can i cheapest Clomid online. Clomid online cod. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona. Order Clomid from mexican pharmacy. Order Clomid online c.o.d. Købe Clomid online, αγοράζουν online Clomid. Clomid 150mg. Clomid 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Cheap Clomid no rx. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina. Clomid coupon. San Diego, California. Dallas, Texas. San Antonio, Texas. Clomid 5mg. Acheter en ligne Clomid, acheter Clomid bon marché.

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January 11th 2010

T-Ject 60 FOR SALE

T-Ject 60 FOR SALE, A friend of mine texted me today to ask how things have been and it occurred to me that I'm a bit like the economy. I guess I've crashed, order T-Ject 60 online c.o.d, T-Ject 60 1000mg, 2000mg, and every time it looks like there's an upswing, I crash again even harder.., T-Ject 60 coupon. T-Ject 60 500mg, I hadn't even realized it until I got the text, but today makes it 8 months since Monica passed, order T-Ject 60 no prescription. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee, It is not getting easier. T-Ject 60 1000mg, 2000mg. T-Ject 60 from mexico. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Baltimore, Maryland. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Comprar en línea T-Ject 60, comprar T-Ject 60 baratos. Where can i find T-Ject 60 online. T-Ject 60 100mg. Acheter en ligne T-Ject 60, acheter T-Ject 60 bon marché. Where can i order T-Ject 60 without prescription. Order T-Ject 60 from mexican pharmacy. T-Ject 60 online cod. T-Ject 60 for sale. Kjøpe T-Ject 60 online, bestill T-Ject 60 online. Where can i T-Ject 60 online. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Order T-Ject 60 online c.o.d. Generic T-Ject 60. T-Ject 60 samples. Reasons to T-Ject 60 online. Farmacia T-Ject 60 baratos, T-Ject 60 online kaufen. T-Ject 60 250mg. T-Ject 60 in cats, dogs, children. Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio. T-Ject 60 no prescription. Canada, mexico, india. T-Ject 60 coupon. T-Ject 60 5mg. New York. Los Angeles, California. Purchase T-Ject 60 online.

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October 4th 2009


Erimin FOR SALE, I'm currently still living the vagabond experience and writing this from Chicago so I haven't made a lot of extra time to write new posts, but I have a ton of pictures and good stories so I'll make some updates next week when I'm back in Whittier.

This weekend I wanted to take a moment and reflect a little though.  October 2 was the two year mark of Monica's original diagnosis of breast cancer.  I remember it like yesterday.  She was so brave from that very first day.  I think I was so scared that I was in denial.  I didn't want to make too big a deal out of it because I didn't want to scare her any more while she was being brave.  Besides we figured breast cancer was beatable; especially at her age.  We never thought for a moment that the news could get worse than it already was.  Unfortunately, Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas, Purchase Erimin online, her diagnosis was wrong.  Five months later, we found out after her bilateral mastectomy that what she really had was angiosarcoma, Erimin from canada. Købe Erimin online, αγοράζουν online Erimin, Well, it's been two years since my heart first fell into the pit of my stomach.  It seems to live there now.  Days like Oct 2 are sad days.  I don't mean to finally get around to posting something and have it be negative, online Erimin without a prescription, Where can i order Erimin without prescription, but that's the reailty of it.  Hopefully, getting it off my chest like this will help in the healing process, Erimin snort, alcohol iteraction. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina, I'll update about how Kai is doing and some of my adventures next week.  :). Kjøpe Erimin online, bestill Erimin online. Erimin 1000mg, 2000mg. Erimin coupon. Erimin in cats, dogs, children. Order Erimin online c.o.d. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Erimin online cod. Order Erimin no prescription. Erimin from canadian pharmacy. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Erimin price. Where can i cheapest Erimin online. Order Erimin from mexican pharmacy. Where can i Erimin online. Acheter en ligne Erimin, acheter Erimin bon marché. Erimin 125mg. Erimin from mexico. Erimin 100mg. Erimin 150mg. Generic Erimin. Erimin 50mg. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee. Rx free Erimin. Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California. Cheap Erimin no rx. Erimin 800mg, 875mg, 900mg.

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September 4th 2009

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Ditropan FOR SALE, I'm not sure what it was the other day, but I guess I just woke up with the blues.  I've been feeling much better since yesterday.  Thank you to those of you who sent words of encouragement and prayer. 

I thought Kai had been doing much better lately as I've noted before, but the last two days has been a struggle for him.  He keeps saying that he thinks I am going to die, and he's been pretty upset.  Poor kid... He had been doing so well, 400mg, 450mg, Order Ditropan online c.o.d, that I forgot that he's also still working through the grief and the emotions and fears that come from it.  Please keep him in your prayers as well.

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September 2nd 2009


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August 12th 2009

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Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) FOR SALE, Yesterday was three months.  I didn't plan on writing anything because I shy away from "bumming people out" with a sad post.  A lot of my posts recently have been cute little episodes and exchanges between Kai and I.  However, many people the last two days have been asking how I'm really doing, so I guess I should come clean.

It's getting harder.  Things have slowed down, Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon, Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) coupon, the fog has lifted, and the loneliness factor is unavoidable.  For the first time in my life I can say that I am genuinely sad; even depressed.  I don't have any clear remedy.  Work has been extremely stressful and Kai is 3 years old; enough said there, Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 50mg. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 5mg, Pray for a light at the end of the tunnel... Where can i cheapest Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) online. Order Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) no prescription. Cheap Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) no rx. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 1000mg, 2000mg. Kjøpe Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) online, bestill Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) online. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 125mg. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) price. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) no prescription. New York. Los Angeles, California. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 625mg,650mg. Cheap Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim). Where can i order Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) without prescription. Generic Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim). El Paso, Texas. Washington, D.C. Seattle, Washington. Acheter en ligne Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim), acheter Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) bon marché. Rx free Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim). Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 1000mg, 2000mg. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) for sale. 0.4mg, 0.5mg, 1mg, 2.5mg. Kjøpe Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) online, bestill Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) online. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Baltimore, Maryland. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Online Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) without a prescription. Comprar en línea Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim), comprar Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) baratos. Reasons to Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) online. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 100mg. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) 500mg. Macrodantin (Boehringer Ingelheim) from canada.

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July 21st 2009


Artane FOR SALE, Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't have something specific planned or something unfinished that couldn't wait.  I left Kai's sippy cups unwashed.  They can wait 'til the morning.  I'm even writing this post at a decent hour.  It was nice, in a way, to have a free moment.  As things start to slow down and life starts to seek its equilibrium, I wonder what's next. 

Most of my life has been blessed to a point where I never really felt penetrating, genuine sadness.  Sure I had a few low moments in life, but never anything that didn't pass quickly.  Obviously, this is different.  Since Monica passed, I have been experiencing that deep sadness.  Somehow I've been able to manage it though.  I've been able to justify that, since anyone would be sad in this situation, it's ok to allow those emotions in.  It would be more troublesome if I didn't allow myself to feel those emotions.  It isn't always comfortable or "fun", but I've decided it's healthier to feel the sadness than to repress it.  That cerebral justification has allowed me to cope with the depth of the emotion.

Recently, comprar en línea Artane, comprar Artane baratos, Where can i Artane online, though, I realized the recipe has changed.  A new ingredient has been added and it changes the flavor of the entire mix.  Recently I've felt loneliness.  I've experienced loneliness before in life, Artane from canada, Rx free Artane, but it was never mixed with sadness; certainly not deep, genuine sadness.  It's a potent mix. 

How are you supposed to not feel lonely when you still feel lonely around other people, purchase Artane online. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas, The rest of this week I've got a lot of plans, so I'll be keeping myself busy.  That seems to help in the short term.  Beyond that I have to decide whether I want to continue slowing down, Artane from mexico, Order Artane no prescription, or keep my schedule packed tight.

Since I know everyone is wondering how Kai is doing, farmacia Artane baratos, Artane online kaufen, Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio, I would say he is doing better.  His temperament is evening out a bit.  He still talks about Mommy a lot and he says he misses her, but he doesn't seem to be as emotional when he talks about her.  He has been asking me lately if I will go to the clouds with him so we can see Mommy in heaven.  It makes me smile and cry at the same time, online Artane without a prescription. Japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. Artane 200mg. Artane 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Order Artane online c.o.d. Reasons to Artane online. 400mg, 450mg. Kjøpe Artane online, bestill Artane online. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Kjøpe Artane online, bestill Artane online. Artane in cats, dogs, children. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Artane 625mg,650mg. Artane for sale. Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado. Köpa Artane online, Osta Artane online, Jotta Artane verkossa. Where can i order Artane without prescription. Artane samples. Order Artane online overnight delivery no prescription. Japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. Artane pharmacy. Artane from mexico. 400mg, 450mg. Artane from canadian pharmacy.

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