Archive for the 'Reflection' Category

January 2nd 2011


Advair FOR SALE, It's been quite some time since I last posted here.  Of course, the earth continues to revolve around the sun and the days still come and go.  ...and I still struggle with posting because I don't want to be the downer in anyone's day.  Being a new year, however, it seems like a reasonable  time to reflect.

Kai is growing like crazy.  Though in many ways I wish he would stay a baby (as any mother might), japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl, Advair 200mg, it's actually been a lot better for the both of us to have him grow.  It turns out that it is much easier to handle a 4 year old than a 3 year old.  He is very smart and is willing to reason much of the time.  He understands the difference between right and wrong.  His independent nature, which he gets from Mommy, Advair over the counter, Order Advair online overnight delivery no prescription, helps him to be entertained on his own and also to not feel lonely.  The year had ups and downs, but we got to share many adventures.  His birthday party was a big hit.  Thanks to all who participated.  We also had the good fortune to go on our first camping trip and to jump around in the ocean.  We spent some time "on vacation" at Lake Havasu, Advair no prescription, Köpa Advair online, Osta Advair online, Jotta Advair verkossa, played the new Kinect video games together, and even started some new traditions like Taco Tuesday.  There are so many wonderful memories over the last year that I will always treasure.  The one thing that stands out to me as the most noteable happened just a few weeks ago, Advair 5mg, Reasons to Advair online, though.  Kai caught me visibly upset (read sad) and asked me what was wrong.  I'm not sure that he had ever "caught" me like that before.  Anyways, I told him that I am still very sad and asked him if he still gets sad.  He said he "doesn't get sad anymore".  He said that he knows Mommy is in heaven and that she is an angel and that she is always with him.  It was one of the happiest and saddest moments of the year for me.  In one sense, Advair 1000mg, 2000mg, Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon, it was a very sensitive moment and full of sorrow, but on the other hand, Advair 150mg, Rx free Advair, as a dad, it pleases me to hear that he is healing and learning to deal with his reality.  He still asks about Mommy regularly, El Paso, Texas. Washington, D.C. Seattle, Washington, Advair from mexico, but he doesn't ask about where she is or whether she's coming back.  He wants to know what she was like and what she would think about things. 

So, Kai is beginning to move forward and is growing emotionally as well as physically.  I, where can i order Advair without prescription, Advair 500mg, lamentably, have not been so fortunate, Advair withdrawal. Købe Advair online, αγοράζουν online Advair, I guess for the last year and a half, I have been desparately running from the hurt and loneliness to distractions rather than healing.  I finally had to realize the hard way that it was an unsustainable way for me to live.  The sadness kept catching up to me even with my best efforts to distract myself.  Now I'm on a mission to heal.  I'm desparate for it.  Even though it means I will have to face the hurt and loneliness, online Advair without a prescription, Advair 75mg, I believe that it is necessary for me to even begin healing.  I can't believe I still have to begin healing.  It seems that until I make some progress in this area, I won't be able to really enjoy or appreciate life.  Things I used to love and need currently are lackluster or even painful.  Places I cherished, Advair 50mg, Acheter en ligne Advair, acheter Advair bon marché, people I loved, and things like music, purchase Advair FOR SALE, Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio, which I used to need like food, no longer provide joy.  Hope has been replaced by confusion.  God has been silent.  Goals and dreams have become like legends; not knowing if they ever really existed or not.  I want to be able to live and love again; healthy and stronger.  I believe I can do it.  I must try.., Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Advair in cats, dogs, children, I guess it comes across so melodramatic and maybe even cheesy...  What can I say?  It's the way I feel at this particular moment.  I may be reaching out to some of you this year.  I pray it's in an attempt to heal and not hide.  Keep me accountable (but gently please).  I'm not sure how I'm going to do it.  I just know that I am at least conscious of the need, and have the emotional desperation leverage to truly seek it, Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas. Advair 125mg, Here's to a better 2011. Australia, uk, us, usa. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Order Advair online c.o.d. Order Advair from mexican pharmacy. Advair samples. Order Advair no prescription. Baltimore, Maryland. Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

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July 7th 2010

Nasonex FOR SALE

Nasonex FOR SALE, July is another "difficult" time of the year.  The 3rd is Monica's birthday, and today is our anniversary.  It would have been 9 years today.

I thought it would be nice to start a tradition of spending the 4th of July with Monica's family from now on and also celebrate her birthday, online buying Nasonex, New York. Los Angeles, California, so last weekend I went up to Paradise, CA which is up north by Chico.  We'll see how that develops ('cause traffic on the 4th of July weekend is worse than I expected and it's already an incredibly long drive...), comprar en línea Nasonex, comprar Nasonex baratos. No prescription Nasonex online, I still think the idea was a good one, but the reality didn't quite turn out how I thought it might.  I ended up feeling really conflicted about taking Kai to the cemetery, San Diego, California. Dallas, Texas. San Antonio, Texas, Nasonex from canadian pharmacy, since in his mind, Mommy is in heaven.  Would it be too much for him to process?  I decided to just tell him that it was a special place for us to remember Mommy, Nasonex 100mg. Nasonex coupon, ...the problem was that I chickened out.  :(  I just couldn't do it.  Even now as I write this that huge lump in my throat grows to a point that it seems it might burst.  I hope over time I can gather the courage to go there.  In the mean time, I just felt like I had to confess.., Nasonex from canada. Nasonex 250mg. Canada, mexico, india. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina. Where can i cheapest Nasonex online. Kjøpe Nasonex online, bestill Nasonex online. Nasonex pharmacy. Generic Nasonex. Nasonex online cod. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona. Farmacia Nasonex baratos, Nasonex online kaufen. Cheap Nasonex. Nasonex without prescription. Nasonex without a prescription. Nasonex for sale. Nasonex 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Nasonex FOR SALE. Nasonex 625mg,650mg. Where can i find Nasonex online. Nasonex snort, alcohol iteraction. Nasonex price. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee. Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California. Nasonex 50mg. Nasonex 625mg,650mg. Nasonex over the counter. Nasonex 800mg, 875mg, 900mg.

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June 16th 2010

Zelnorm FOR SALE

Zelnorm FOR SALE, It's been a while since I posted.  The simple reason is that life is hectic as a single dad.  Not only do I contend with the "tyranny of the urgent", but if you know Kai, you know that he is one of the most energetic kids you'll ever meet.  That being said, probably the greater truth is that I've struggled with the realization that most of the time I feel like posting, it has been about something kind of negative.  I don't want to be the downer in someone's day, so I usually just skip the posting.

The weeks leading up to the anniversary of Monica's passing were the hardest yet.  It was almost unimaginable to think that after almost a full year of grieving I was still finding new lows.  There didn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  I decided to take the day off on May 11th and just spend some "me" time.  I turned my phone off and didn't check any email or FaceBook messages (a quick thank you to everyone who did try to reach out to me and Kai on that day.  I apologize for not getting back to you all, comprar en línea Zelnorm, comprar Zelnorm baratos, Cheap Zelnorm no rx, but there really were an overwhelming number of people to get back to. I just skipped it all.) 

Something interesting happened.., köpa Zelnorm online, Osta Zelnorm online, Jotta Zelnorm verkossa. Zelnorm 200mg, I spent the day playing and writing music, and by the end of the day I really felt a lot better.  It was the first encounter of "joy" I'd had in a long time.  It was such a contrast to the lows I had been feeling, Zelnorm 125mg, Zelnorm 250mg, that I felt like I was soaring or something.  It was really encouraging to realize that I could still experience joy like that.

A couple of weeks later Kai and I received another gift.  Our church, Zelnorm 1000mg, 2000mg, Where can i find Zelnorm online, Whittier Area Community, was doing its annual serve weekend and our back yard was one of the projects.  We ended up having so many people come to help and show their love, Zelnorm without a prescription, Zelnorm from canadian pharmacy, that not only did the backyard get a total makeover, but many of the projects I couldn't get to inside the house got done too.  It was an incredibly humbling experience that we will be eternally grateful for.  If you were one of the many people that helped out at our house for serve weekend, Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado, Where can i cheapest Zelnorm online, please know that you really made a difference to us.  During a time of faith struggles, sadness, New York. Los Angeles, California, Acheter en ligne Zelnorm, acheter Zelnorm bon marché, and a blurry outlook on hope, you guys represented the love of Christ and the church with elegance and grace, japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon, I'm so pleased to be able to finally post something positive.  :)

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April 30th 2010

Amoxicillin FOR SALE

Amoxicillin FOR SALE, Kai's teacher pulled me aside this morning because she's concerned that Kai has been very sad at school.  I've noticed it somewhat too, but it seems that the topic comes up more often at school; I guess because the other kids talk about their moms and their moms come to pick them during earlier parts of the day.

He still asks for mommy almost every day after a whole year.  You'd think he would have given up by now, Amoxicillin snort, alcohol iteraction, Online Amoxicillin without a prescription, but he's got his mom's determination.  Lately he's been trying to think of ways that Mommy can come back to Earth.  The other night he was up late in bed talking for a while, so I finally went into his room and asked him who he was talking to.  He said he was talking to Mommy and to God.  He asked God to make a cloud with a slide on it so Mommy could slide down to Earth to see him.  He said that Mommy then told him that she was already an angel and that she couldn't slide down the slide, kjøpe Amoxicillin online, bestill Amoxicillin online, No prescription Amoxicillin online, but that she might be able to use her angel wings to fly down to Earth to visit him in the summer!  Either he's got an amazing imagination for an "almost 4 year old", or she really did tell him that.., generic Amoxicillin. Amoxicillin no prescription, Apparently Kai's teacher is feeling acutely aware of the fact that Mother's Day is coming because their curriculum will center around Mother's Day.  She said she was hurt the other day because he mentioned he "hated the sky".  She asked him why, and he said he hates Heaven too because his Mommy was stuck up there, australia, uk, us, usa. Amoxicillin 100mg, It crushes me to know that he is hurting, but I don't know what more I can do for him.  I'm not in any better place myself to help.., Amoxicillin from canada. Rx free Amoxicillin, P.S.  Sorry for another downer post... Order Amoxicillin no prescription. Amoxicillin for sale. Köpa Amoxicillin online, Osta Amoxicillin online, Jotta Amoxicillin verkossa. Amoxicillin 75mg. Baltimore, Maryland. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California. 0.4mg, 0.5mg, 1mg, 2.5mg. Amoxicillin 500mg. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas. Reasons to Amoxicillin online. Canada, mexico, india. Purchase Amoxicillin FOR SALE. Japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Amoxicillin 200mg. Where can i find Amoxicillin online. Purchase Amoxicillin online. Amoxicillin from mexico. Amoxicillin 50mg. 400mg, 450mg. Farmacia Amoxicillin baratos, Amoxicillin online kaufen. Amoxicillin price. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Amoxicillin samples. Comprar en línea Amoxicillin, comprar Amoxicillin baratos.

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November 17th 2009


Arava FOR SALE, I was reflecting on this a bit, and I thought it might make an interesting post:

1)I'm a great dad because I play and wrestle with Kai.  I'm not a great mom because I don't have as much patience to sit and read to him as often.

2)I'm a great dad because I take Kai fun places like Disneyland and soccer games.  I'm not a great mom because when I go I typically forget something like his sippy cup or a jacket, Arava 250mg. Arava online cod, 3)I'm a great dad because I let him wear whatever he wants.  I'm not a great mom because by the time I realize either of us is out of socks (or chonies) I have to scramble to do laundry.

4)I'm a great dad, købe Arava online, αγοράζουν online Arava, Cheap Arava no rx, because I lay down with him when he goes to sleep so that he is not scared.  I'm not a great mom because when he does wake up scared and cries out, "I want my mommy!" I just don't suffice, Arava 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Cheap Arava, 5)I'm a great dad because I encourage him to get up and keep going when he falls down and it makes him feel strong.  I'm not a great mom because when he does get an "ouchie", my kissing it doesn't make it feel better like when mommy kissed it, Arava without prescription. Comprar en línea Arava, comprar Arava baratos. Arava from canadian pharmacy. Arava from mexico. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas. Acheter en ligne Arava, acheter Arava bon marché. Arava for sale. Canada, mexico, india. No prescription Arava online. Arava 200mg. Where can i order Arava without prescription. 400mg, 450mg. Arava 100mg. Order Arava online overnight delivery no prescription. Arava coupon. Generic Arava. Arava from canada. Purchase Arava FOR SALE. San Diego, California. Dallas, Texas. San Antonio, Texas. Arava snort, alcohol iteraction. Purchase Arava online. Reasons to Arava online. Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado. Köpa Arava online, Osta Arava online, Jotta Arava verkossa. Arava withdrawal. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Online Arava without a prescription. Order Arava online c.o.d.

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October 4th 2009


Erimin FOR SALE, I'm currently still living the vagabond experience and writing this from Chicago so I haven't made a lot of extra time to write new posts, but I have a ton of pictures and good stories so I'll make some updates next week when I'm back in Whittier.

This weekend I wanted to take a moment and reflect a little though.  October 2 was the two year mark of Monica's original diagnosis of breast cancer.  I remember it like yesterday.  She was so brave from that very first day.  I think I was so scared that I was in denial.  I didn't want to make too big a deal out of it because I didn't want to scare her any more while she was being brave.  Besides we figured breast cancer was beatable; especially at her age.  We never thought for a moment that the news could get worse than it already was.  Unfortunately, Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas, Purchase Erimin online, her diagnosis was wrong.  Five months later, we found out after her bilateral mastectomy that what she really had was angiosarcoma, Erimin from canada. Købe Erimin online, αγοράζουν online Erimin, Well, it's been two years since my heart first fell into the pit of my stomach.  It seems to live there now.  Days like Oct 2 are sad days.  I don't mean to finally get around to posting something and have it be negative, online Erimin without a prescription, Where can i order Erimin without prescription, but that's the reailty of it.  Hopefully, getting it off my chest like this will help in the healing process, Erimin snort, alcohol iteraction. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina, I'll update about how Kai is doing and some of my adventures next week.  :). Kjøpe Erimin online, bestill Erimin online. Erimin 1000mg, 2000mg. Erimin coupon. Erimin in cats, dogs, children. Order Erimin online c.o.d. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Erimin online cod. Order Erimin no prescription. Erimin from canadian pharmacy. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Erimin price. Where can i cheapest Erimin online. Order Erimin from mexican pharmacy. Where can i Erimin online. Acheter en ligne Erimin, acheter Erimin bon marché. Erimin 125mg. Erimin from mexico. Erimin 100mg. Erimin 150mg. Generic Erimin. Erimin 50mg. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee. Rx free Erimin. Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California. Cheap Erimin no rx. Erimin 800mg, 875mg, 900mg.

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July 27th 2009


Toprol XL FOR SALE, I got an interesting surprise from the post office the other day.  Apparently, an envelope we sent was destroyed in the mail.  This particular envelope had a check in it which was still intact, and included our address. The post office scanned it and sent us a letter explaining that the envelope was destroyed, Toprol XL for sale, Toprol XL 1000mg, 2000mg, but that they were sending us a copy of the contents. 

To my surprise, the check was written and sent by Monica back in February.  It was a check for a 2 year magazine subscription to Wondertime magazine, Toprol XL coupon, Toprol XL withdrawal, a parenting magazine.

It was another little insight into Monica's will to live and fight.  Even as late as February, Toprol XL 625mg,650mg, San Diego, California. Dallas, Texas. San Antonio, Texas, she was planning on being around for a long time. 

I admire her so much. Toprol XL without a prescription. Toprol XL from canadian pharmacy. Canada, mexico, india. El Paso, Texas. Washington, D.C. Seattle, Washington. Toprol XL samples. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Toprol XL 5mg. Generic Toprol XL. No prescription Toprol XL online. Australia, uk, us, usa. Purchase Toprol XL FOR SALE. Where can i find Toprol XL online. 0.4mg, 0.5mg, 1mg, 2.5mg. Toprol XL in cats, dogs, children. New York. Los Angeles, California. Toprol XL snort, alcohol iteraction. Where can i cheapest Toprol XL online. Toprol XL pharmacy. Toprol XL price. Cheap Toprol XL no rx. Toprol XL FOR SALE. Toprol XL online cod. Online buying Toprol XL. Toprol XL 75mg. Toprol XL 125mg. Boston, Massachusetts. Charlotte, Carolina. Toprol XL no prescription. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona. Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado.

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July 21st 2009


Artane FOR SALE, Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't have something specific planned or something unfinished that couldn't wait.  I left Kai's sippy cups unwashed.  They can wait 'til the morning.  I'm even writing this post at a decent hour.  It was nice, in a way, to have a free moment.  As things start to slow down and life starts to seek its equilibrium, I wonder what's next. 

Most of my life has been blessed to a point where I never really felt penetrating, genuine sadness.  Sure I had a few low moments in life, but never anything that didn't pass quickly.  Obviously, this is different.  Since Monica passed, I have been experiencing that deep sadness.  Somehow I've been able to manage it though.  I've been able to justify that, since anyone would be sad in this situation, it's ok to allow those emotions in.  It would be more troublesome if I didn't allow myself to feel those emotions.  It isn't always comfortable or "fun", but I've decided it's healthier to feel the sadness than to repress it.  That cerebral justification has allowed me to cope with the depth of the emotion.

Recently, comprar en línea Artane, comprar Artane baratos, Where can i Artane online, though, I realized the recipe has changed.  A new ingredient has been added and it changes the flavor of the entire mix.  Recently I've felt loneliness.  I've experienced loneliness before in life, Artane from canada, Rx free Artane, but it was never mixed with sadness; certainly not deep, genuine sadness.  It's a potent mix. 

How are you supposed to not feel lonely when you still feel lonely around other people, purchase Artane online. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas, The rest of this week I've got a lot of plans, so I'll be keeping myself busy.  That seems to help in the short term.  Beyond that I have to decide whether I want to continue slowing down, Artane from mexico, Order Artane no prescription, or keep my schedule packed tight.

Since I know everyone is wondering how Kai is doing, farmacia Artane baratos, Artane online kaufen, Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio, I would say he is doing better.  His temperament is evening out a bit.  He still talks about Mommy a lot and he says he misses her, but he doesn't seem to be as emotional when he talks about her.  He has been asking me lately if I will go to the clouds with him so we can see Mommy in heaven.  It makes me smile and cry at the same time, online Artane without a prescription. Japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. Artane 200mg. Artane 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Order Artane online c.o.d. Reasons to Artane online. 400mg, 450mg. Kjøpe Artane online, bestill Artane online. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas. Detroit, Michigan, San Jose, California. Kjøpe Artane online, bestill Artane online. Artane in cats, dogs, children. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon. Artane 625mg,650mg. Artane for sale. Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado. Köpa Artane online, Osta Artane online, Jotta Artane verkossa. Where can i order Artane without prescription. Artane samples. Order Artane online overnight delivery no prescription. Japan, craiglist, ebay, hcl. Artane pharmacy. Artane from mexico. 400mg, 450mg. Artane from canadian pharmacy.

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July 1st 2009

Aggrenox FOR SALE

Aggrenox FOR SALE, They get so big so fast!  Grandpa Spence (Monica's dad) took Kai fishing this week and he caught his first fish.  I can hardly believe it.  I hope they took lots of pictures.  Kai was so excited about fishing with a "real" pole.  I wish I could have seen his face when he caught it.

We'll be up in Paradise for the 4th of July this weekend.  Actually, Aggrenox FOR SALE, Where can i Aggrenox online, we're going for Monica's birthday.  It is this Friday, the 3rd of July.  Her parents got tickets to the local minor league baseball game and they will have fireworks.  I'm sure Kai will be excited to see the fireworks.  One of the cutest stories Monica ever told me was that when she was really little, online buying Aggrenox, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona, she used to think that she was special because on her birthday they always had fireworks.  She didn't know anyone else who's birthday had fireworks.  :)

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June 11th 2009

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Prograf FOR SALE, Today marks the end of the first month after Monica's passing.  I can't believe it.  Of all the things I could be feeling (and most of them I am feeling), the one that has stood out the most for me today is guilt.  I feel really bad that a whole month has already passed by.  It's as if, 30 whole days is an eternity and I should never actually get there.  Instead, I ought to experience each day in longing waiting desperately to be reunited with her; each day itself an eternity of waiting.  How could I even think of moving on to another day.  How could I give up on her like that.  Don't I even care.

...Yet a month has passed.  It's passed quickly in fact.  What happened? 

Of course I care, 0.4mg, 0.5mg, 1mg, 2.5mg. Prograf price,  I realize that those feelings of guilt are in many ways unreasonable and irrational.  The problem is that, though they may be unreasonable and irrational, Prograf 1000mg, 2000mg, Prograf 75mg, it doesn't make them any less real. 

Many of you who I spoke with today about it being a month had different feelings and experiences.  We all loved her in different ways.  My final conclusion about today is positive in the sense that  whether the emotions today were of guilt, loss, where can i cheapest Prograf online, Order Prograf online c.o.d, grief, confusion, Fort Worth, Texas. Denver, Colorado, Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California, fear, heartache, Prograf in cats, dogs, children, Jacksonville, Florida, Columbus, Ohio, relief, hope or anything else, purchase Prograf FOR SALE, Prograf 500mg, they were all because we love her so much. Online buying Prograf. Prograf no prescription. Generic Prograf. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Phoenix, Arizona. Canada, mexico, india. Prograf from mexico. Cheap Prograf. Prograf samples. Order Prograf no prescription. Prograf from canada. Prograf over the counter. Baltimore, Maryland. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Prograf 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. Farmacia Prograf baratos, Prograf online kaufen. Acheter en ligne Prograf, acheter Prograf bon marché. Rx free Prograf. Prograf online cod. Cheap Prograf no rx. Prograf 200mg. No prescription Prograf online. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Las Vegas, Nevada. Order Prograf from mexican pharmacy. Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee.

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